So this is one of my first proper posts on the site since it was launched, and that’s not because so much of a lack of interest, but moreso a lack of being able to make a post about healing from my last life, because the things to identify to heal are so different.
With victims, the trauma is more evident and easy to pinpoint. You can get a clear idea of why the trauma is there and how it was caused. With being a Nazi, it’s a lot harder to see yourself as someone that needs to get over things when, during the life, you never saw it as a problem.
That’s not to say I think of the nazi ideology as “not a problem”. While I still agree with the eugenics side of wiping out weak genes and letting the stronger genes progress, this had always been from the viewpoint of the species in general, not for any agendas or opinions. There was never any connection for me with the anti jewish/gay/disabled etc propaganda. I saw it all for the bullshit it really was. I only became a Nazi for an excuse to kill as many people as I could.
I the desire was brought over from other lives, the one previous before Nazi Germany again spent with a lot of… fairly brutal exploits… The problems all seem to spiral back through the years as my lives went from bad to worse with events, and more importantly, my deaths. I had become more distant and frankly sick of humanity as a whole, developing my more misanthropist and sociopathic sides that I still have today.
In terms of where I am at healing now. I think I’m around the same point as I were in Germany, after I had met Anna. After the escape from the camp and return to a semi normal life, I had calmed down, alot, but I can only imagine my bout of dementia at the end went and screwed that back up for me for this life.
Because the problems are so different, more ingrained with my personality than distinct events, It’s harder for me to analyse and make logical reasons to understand why X causes Y. You can’t just say “I have a fear of enclosed spaces because of the trains to the camps” or something to that effect. So finding a real plan on how to fix things becomes a much bigger task.
With that in mind, it’s harder to post things relevant to healing from a past life, not only in regards to events, but even specifically towards Germany. Which is probably why there’s a lot less input from the perpetrators than the victims on the site.
Updates from me may be few and far between, but that’s what you get when trying to diagnose a problem with no symptoms visible to yourself.